Another Sleepless Night

It seems that I've had a couple of sleepless nights this week. I keep thinking about Vietnam and whether its possible to salvage the opportunity Ive turned down...

I'm not one who does things solely for its monetary value, but the USD$1,100 offer to teach seemed little and .. i dont know.. Im not sure whether I can help support my mom with that amount.

Ive been searching for reasons to take up the job offer, although I have many reasons why I should NOT take it up from the people around me. One thing for certain is that I want to go, and im not sure if thats reason enough...

Perhaps a good thing about writing is that I can straighten out my thoughts and it dawned upon me that I've never gave a damn about the things people have said about me and the way I live my life. I used to live by Proverbs 3:5-6 and somehow it's been faded into the background of everything thats happened. From my father's rejection to my last cent, its being in the pits again... To trust the Lord with all my heart... seems easy enough and yet I can't do it.

Reflecting upon everything that has happened, things in my life have gone downhill. It all started back when I was 19... After being threatened by my dad with a knife and the constant verbal abuse, I left home... My mom almost died from meliodosis, living off each week with a loaf of bread, having no money, the politics with my hateful classmates, the period of depression, the arguements with my step-mother, being fired by my dad, being jobless for the past 6 weeks, and I'm now in the pits again with my final $50... It seems that there's no end to the troubles

But it all started when I was 19. This was when I became a Christian... and I must say at times I wish I could just die, but I've never reached that point to actually do it. And its true that the Lord will not test me beyond what I can bear. I have grown spiritually and it is Christ who preserves me. This is hope, many are searching for it, and many have believed that they found it.

There are many ways for man to find hope, but theres has only been one way in which hope has found man. In our journey of hope we have gained wisdom, but to me, wisdom is the knowledge of truth. Wisdom through the knowledge of what is not true will lead one away from hope, the truth will set us free.