Something old

I found an old blog which I had originally used when I first started writing. The posts were very upsetting as they were things I wrote about during my depression. None of which is worth mentioning but heres a post which meant alot. Idris wrote it and now that his blog site has been deleted here's something for us to remember Alfie by...

Thursday, April 14th, 2005
10:33 pm
Unsaid words: Words of Idris on Alfie's passing

Seems like yesterday we were brought into the Academy..I couldn't resist the sterotype look of a typical beng that you had and thought you were just one of 'those' people. But alas, my judgement was proved wrong. You were nothing close to that. In fact, you were an intelligent young man. A promising one at that.

I still remember all the good and bad times we had. I also remember you ranting about not being in OCT everytime you see their squad march by. Yeah.. you also proved alot of people wrong when you became the best trainee both academically and physically. Heh.. Those were days. Remember the time we wrestled? Yeah it was sheer barbaric fun but you fell and got pissed and then came charging at me.. haha! It was funny how we found comfort in these cheap thrills during our 6 months of torture in the Academy.

We went through thick and thin during those days in Tracom. We shared everything from toiletries to memories. We created plenty of those too..I hate myself for not remembering and cherishing our days together. Yeah we did not share much about our private lives but there was indeed a bond between all of us the "Holland Village" guys. We were more than squadmates.. We are brothers.

It was only recently that we had our renunion dinner. I dont usually remember dates but I'll never forget, 18th March. And I certainly wont forget today, April 14th. As usual, only 5 of us, the "Holland Village" guys, out of the whole squad turned up for the renunion dinner. You guys talked and crapped as I sat there laughing and listening to all your conversations. We all thought that it was just another renunion dinner and there was more to come.. I remember us discussing about bringing our kids and wives along next time but...Little did we know that another renunion was close by and it would be our last with you...

I dont know why, but I was emotionless when I saw you lying there. Not moving.. or breathing.. I waited for the moment when you would open your eyes, sit up, scare the shit out of everyone, laugh and tell us that it was all just a sadistic belated April Fool's joke. heh..

Needless to say, that never happened. What was I thinking..!You were really gone... !! But you're only 20.. !!How could this be!!?? Why you?!! I couldnt cry.. Honestly, I wanted to.. so bad that it hurts inside..

But I just couldnt let it out. Not even when you were being burried.. I dont know why.. I cant explain it..To go like that.. Not even a goodbye..Why now? Why do the tears come now as I write this?! Its been a long time since i cried.. I know you wont be reading this but I just want you to know that I regret not telling you how much of a friend, and a brother you have been to all of us during our last renunion.

It was a painful experience for all of us.. God loves you alot I guess..Rest in peace my dear friend, Alfie..